Desistance.

And when the curiosity about everything that exists disappears? About everything that is unknown, different, divergent.. when nothing else matters, even temporarily, but although, to leave this existance only isn't possible, and any other way to stanch the suffering seems painful.

Which other way out remain but to persist in this madness? To search for any unnecessary aptitude, implement to establish other activity or social group only to mitigate the effects caused by the compulsive thoughts that take the mind while it's not busy with any kind of exercise? To develop irrelevant ambitions to supply the need of competition that after a determined step only generate vain interests, selfish.

But who isn't egoistic deep within? There's no will free of guilt. Although not every egoistic will must be individual only. And justly for the existance of a purpose that isn't individual only, that there's the risk of losing the focus on reality, to stop wishing everything by concentrating all the energy in an only interest, anxiety, requirement.

Despite the redundance of habits and themes, sometimes, everything seems possible, so easy, accessible, and we want to believe that this reality is the same that circles us every day, and all that is necessary, is to be optimist, to have some kind of faith, or even superstition, hope from destiny, from a god, whatsoever that can provide the success of what is greedily desired. Nevertheless, a disillusion is sufficient to lose the trust in whatever and maybe also the self-reliance. Though we don't lose our notion of natural capacity, which limit us to our favorable possibilities.

So, what is already known, or may be compared in determined spheres of inference, becomes ordinary to our point of view, we start to lose gradatively the happiness, or satisfaction in submiting ourselves to an experience. We don't want to play anymore. We already learned the necessary lessons to reach an objective. Our interests are clear to us, or at least they should be. And then, when the difficulty interposes itself in our interests, threatening our will of life, making us to premeditate the failure followed of deception, we give up.

Failure.

There's no use in knowing the causes, to interpretate the details, comprehending the consequence, if my eyes burn suffocated by the tears that don't drop for having I unlearned how to cry. To conform is the only option, relentless if there is any will of life yet, although, immoderated concerning to the suffering.


So simple seems the idea of surpassing the compulsivity, anxiety, the concerns, that refers to something that make sense no more, 'cause it doesn't exist.
Why to insist in a mistake, prolong the depravity, abstract the lucidity and reason? Maybe because the mistake isn't necessarily of property of who suffers the consequences of a bad interpretation, but from a miserable subterfuge.


Even though, this may be the real motive to perpetrate in a self flagellation, that will only result in nuisance and fray, why not only to accept that the will of others is what determines our possibilities? Because makes not part of our own natures to resign before something we know that doesn't make sense individually, then, we persist in the trial of demonstrating that our reason must be considered.


And when all the efforts are in vain? Then a deep oblivion is needed, in which only the action of time makes it significant. During this process, is when you realize the real conformity and resign, that although bitter and dulling, they strengthen the individual, develops him.
Otherwise, lead him to the ruin.

Deception.

Oh how I wanted to believe in love, it seemed so precious to me, a so considerable feeling, why wouldn't anyone take it seriously? But, what about the opposite proposition? Why take it seriously? Maybe, because it results of a consolidation, something that starts to have a special meaning, acquires a value, which varies according to the attribution made by the one who submits.

So, to me it seems a prerogative to be able to give up to a sea of possible illusions and ventures, in which the consequences only lead the way to suffering of a only being, the one who adores, idealizes, and illudes himself.

And why such a sublime feeling may be so easily disdained? Just because such conceit (despite of being universal, and always interpretated by divergent modes), only touches the behaviour of whose is envolved by it, being the individual corresponded with what he hopes from the person for whom he succumbs to reverence, so she, the person who is reverenced would be the only important factor in such point of a existance, then, the one who venerates would hardly have reasons to bewail for, his humour would be irreproachable, unless that something happens to threat his relation or his well being in order to interfere straightly to the relation.

In the case of no correspondence, nothing can be insteresting, nothing can take the thoughts that persists in reconcilement, of a new trial, but this only if there really was a interaction between the subjects concatenated by one's disinterest and the frustration of an other.

As we may realize, it doesn't refer to something that unites people magically, that makes them understand each other, trust, tolerate, and so many other behaviours we would expect naturally from someone we want to share part of our lives..